Ostensibly, the night Nicole Kidman won the Academy Award for Best Actress must have been one of the happiest nights of her life. Kidman won her first Oscar in 2003 for her portrayal of Virginia Woolf in The Hours. (1]

But it was not one of the happiest nights of her life. Kidman and her ex-husband Tom Cruise had just recently gone through a divorce after 11 years of marriage; she had yet to meet her current husband, Keith Urban, whom she married in 2006.

It was truly a paradox. As People magazine put it, "Behind her bright smile and glamorous Jean-Paul Gaultier gown [at the 2003 Academy Awards] lay a private conflict."

"I had a lot going on in my personal life, and yet I was doing so well at work," Kidman tells Dave Karger in his new book, 50 Oscar Nights, to be released on January 23. 'That kind of thing happens, doesn't it?'

At the awards podium, Kidman was temporarily depressed before regaining his composure. ("Russell Crowe said, 'Don't cry when you get up there,' and now I'm crying," she said.) She was played down before she could finish her speech, and after the awards ceremony she just wanted to go home.

"I was going to miss the Vanity Fair party because I don't really like parties. I said, 'I'm going to walk out of the party with my Academy Award,'" Kidman said. I said, 'That sounds gloating and not very humble. Walking around with an award! ' I felt that was really inappropriate. They said, 'That's your job.'"

So Kidman walked away with the Oscar in her hand, at least for a little while. She said, "So I literally walked around, carried it around, totally overwhelmed, emotional, shaking, not enjoying it." 'And she said. I wish I had enjoyed it more."

Later, in a quiet hotel room, Kidman faced loneliness and she wanted to find love again. 'I went home and ended up ordering takeout and eating it on the floor of the Beverly Hills Hotel. 'I sat on the floor of the hotel, ate fries and a burger with my family, and went to bed. That's when it hit me. I said, 'I need to find my life, I need love in my life. I should be able to think, 'This is ours.'"

Instead of elation, Kidman's Oscar night ended with a whisper. 'I went to bed alone. 'I went to bed before midnight. If I ever win again, I'll be out there for 24 hours."

Two years later, she and Urban began dating after meeting at the G'Day USA gala in L.A. Six months later, on her 38th birthday, when Urban stood on the steps of her apartment at 5 a.m. with a bouquet of gardenias, Kidman realized he was the one. It was then that I thought, 'I want to marry this man,'" she later said. 'At that point, I believed he was the love of my life.'

She also said, "I knew he was the love of my life."

They share daughters Sunday Rose and Faith Margaret, and Kidman is the mother of Isabella and Connor, whom she shares with Cruz. Of Urban, Kidman told Gayle King in 2022, "I met him late in life and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. That man is the best thing that ever happened to me."

They have been married for 17 years and have a solid personal life, but also a successful business. Since then, she has won two Emmys ("Big Little Lies") and has been nominated for three Academy Awards ("Rabbit Hole," "Lion," and "Being the Ricardos").